Ask Jesus
On a scale of Abraham to Homer Simpson, how complicated is your relationship with your dad?

I’m not sure which end of that scale is worse but I’m gonna have to say Abraham, my dad’s a nut job, but I am my dad so I’m crazy too and I’m the Holy Ghost so… It’s not an ideal relationship…

iamjesushchrist:

Sorry kids, but one just isn’t enough for your mom.

iamjesushchrist:

Sorry kids, but one just isn’t enough for your mom.

bitchesaloud:
atheistjack:

via Atheism Unleashed

atheistjack:

via Atheism Unleashed

archiemcphee:

Here’s an endearing new story for the Department of Unexpected Interspecies Friendship. It’s a couple years old, but no less touching for being a bit dated. Meet Suryia the Orangutan and Roscoe the Bluetick Coonhound, an improbable pair who’ve been inseparable ever since they met at The Institute of Greatly Endangered and Rare Species (TIGERS) in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. It’s the same endangered wildlife reserve that’s home to another Bubbles and Bella, another awesome and unlikely pair of pals.

Suryia and Roscoe first met in 2008 soon after Roscoe first appeared at the reserve and starting following TIGERS staff members as they walked home from work.

He was immediately spotted by the orangutan, who ambled over to make friends. Dr Bhagavan Antle, the reserve’s founder, said: ‘Roscoe looked really thin and a little lost so we fed him and took care of him. He followed us through the gate and ran over and found Suryia. As soon as he saw Roscoe, Suryia ran over to him and they started playing.

'Dogs are usually scared of primates, but they took to each other straight away. We made a few calls to see if he belonged to anyone and when no one came forward, Roscoe ended up staying.'

In 2011 Dr. Antle published a book of photographs which, entitled Suryia and Roscoe: The True Story of an Unlikely Friendship, shows the ape and pup enjoying each other’s company at the wildlife reserve.

Visit Dailymail.co.ukfor even more photos of this charming primate/canine duo.

Bless this post

Hey man I asked for a pony

You’re thinking of Santa…

Why is the rum gone?
Anonymous

Workin on my magic trick of turning all alcohol into water. Am I Jesus or the anti-Christ? You decide… SOBER! Mwhahaha!

should i store my bass in the car?
Anonymous

I shall turn your bass into many bass and your car shall stink of fish in the hot sun. MWAHAHAHA!
Unless we’re talking about the speakers instead of the fish and in that case yeah, just make sure your systems bangin’.

And after a long absence

JESUS ROSE AGAIN!
… sup haters

earlgreytea68:

mark-gaytits:

imagine if one day jesus and his disciples were eating bread and wine and shit and jesus didn’t even use a fork and peter was just like “dude were you born in a barn”

and jesus just

image

ONE OF MY ALL-TIME FAVORITE TUMBLR POSTS.